On the Law of Lunatic Distribution in Abnormal VTubers

Look at these viewers. Aren't they behaving just like superheated metal atoms? This is the moment my chronic abuse radiation is proven as a law. A fitting paper title would be On the Lunatic Photon Distribution Law in Abnormal Virtual Streamers.

If only I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had a PhD—no, even a master's—I'd submit it to academia right away. What a shame. Who could've guessed this paper would kick off the field of 'abuse' dynamics? The paper that coined blackbody radiation was the origin of quantum mechanics, so my logic holds up.

"My name is Fermi, birthday April 21st, age 25 as planned, MBTI INTJ. That concludes the RP introduction."

"I'll publish a paper on that topic later. After all, scholars speak only through papers."

This is a universal principle in academia. Scholars don't grab someone by the collar and punch them one-two-three no matter how much bullshit they spew. They just write a ~57,000-character rebuttal paper exposing how wrong you are and fuck you with that. How polite and courteous is that?

It's a completely different behavior from otakus who possess creators' works with a measly 5,700-character rebuttal.

I skipped past the viewers' mockery and advanced the PPT to the next slide. It featured an ad I'd made myself.

I'd crafted this ad with Micro-Banana and click. It took billions of GPUs, billions of memory units, and about 5 minutes, so the total cost must run into trillions.

Showing this high-cost ad to everyone, I declared:

"My stream is a high-class, high-IQ science lecture broadcast. Master's or below, shut up."

The viewers abused me again. But didn't I say at my debut that I'd come here to teach science? Of course, that's not the real reason for their abuse. It's surely due to my lack of academic authority and social license.

But I stood tall.

"Hmm, think about it. In a few years, I'll be a PhD holder, while you'll still be... you."

Of course, if there's a PhD candidate graduating in a few years here, I'd be wrong—but would anyone like that be watching? If so, they'd be a masochist getting off on advisor abuse. Wasting time here means flunking your defense with big red stamps.

"Plus, how rare is the chance to attend lectures from a future PhD holder?"

"You could interpret it as getting private lessons from a young Einstein. It's like buying the dip..."

Einstein did tutoring from age 23 to make ends meet. His students later founded the Olympia Academy and built deep friendships with him. Why couldn't I do the same? Scalaiive Academy, anyone? Brilliant idea.

"I won't accept rebuttals from sub-PhD humans. If you must, email a rebuttal paper."

As I said, scholars speak only through papers.

"Thus, from today, I am your advisor Professor Dr. Fermi. Give me a big round of applause."

*Bow*— *Bow*—

I alternated bowing my avatar's upper body left and right. I was a cool professor who respected his students.

"Your Dr. Fermi is a very flexible professor. I won't do something tasteless like lecturing on day one."

"So today, I'll share my plan for snagging that PhD."

I advanced the PPT.

"See this, everyone? Only one left."

"In technical terms, totally 'doable,' right?"

Of course, the viewers weren't convinced by my logic. These heartless watchers dismissed my grand challenge as folly, but I had faith. The first time is hard; the second is easy.

Take Ivan Pavlov, who got two PhDs. His first in natural sciences took 26 years; the second in medicine took 8. The first took over three times longer. My logic checks out.

Plus, Pavlov was 26 when he got his first natural sciences PhD.

"Age will come with time, so pass. Now, my grand plan for PhD graduation."

"The first step of that grand plan is..."

*Click*—

"High school graduation."

That's right. This girl dropped out of middle school.

"Ugh, due to some circumstances, I dropped out of high school, so I gotta take the GED first."

"Tomorrow's the GED exam, so next stream, I'll return not as middle-school-dropout PhD Fermi, but high-school-grad PhD Fermi."

"Hot applause and cheers, please. Woo! High school grad!"

"First hurdle cleared. Second is the bachelor's degree."

"But Korea has a great system."

I advanced the PPT with it.

"For those unfamiliar: take the four annual exams to earn the degree."

"So, pass GED tomorrow, then snag bachelor's via this. By next year, you'll see college-grad PhD Fermi. Woo! College grad!"

They eyed my casual declaration skeptically, but I didn't waver.

"Viewers, deciding failure before trying is a bad habit."

"Once decided, push through without doubt. Especially if it's a 'dream.'"

Seol Yujin chased his dream of science, transferring from Seoul ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Med to natural sciences. Maintained 4.5 GPA with four double majors, early grad to grad school, PhD at 25. Who dares call his choice foolish?

If he'd listened and finished med school, he'd be a resident earning ~$70K/year now. No master's, no PhD, no academic prestige—just money and stability. Satisfying? Common sense says no...

Just like everyone stopped Seol Yujin from transferring, these viewers did the same—citing 'common sense.'

"Common sense... Ahh... I pity you all so much..."

"Don't you know 'common sense' is a phantom that changes anytime?"

Nothing as hollow as 'common sense.' It's shared general knowledge everyone should know, but live in the US a few years and see how meaningless it is. Common sense gets fucked like a dog every moment...

Seol Yuna, never stepped on US soil, couldn't say this. So I closed my eyes, stared into space, and whispered one lingering sentence.

"If someone asks me about common sense, just look up at the national flag right now..."

A hushed crowd. Some furious 'bagholders.' Cheering 90K diehards. A year ago, stock rule #1 was 'never buy the national flag.' Now Kospi's broken 6,000. Common sense! Fucked again!

In the cold stock world where no one predicts the future, the weak-hearted can't survive...

"Viewers, toss common sense! Break free from prejudice...!"

"Trust cold reason, solid logic, and your own choices...!"

"This is wisdom from someone who lost 500 bucks in stocks...!"

Only those with cold reason, solid logic, and ironclad faith in their choices make money in stocks. But such people are rare... Most lose in this zero-sum game. And I'm one of them. Heartbreaking.

Bye bye... my 500 won...

I showed my 'conviction' to the stock-maddened clowns.

"Everyone called buyers at 90K electronics stupid."

"But look now. 90K became 200K."

"Those beast-hearted buyers at 90K have over 100% gains...!"

"Does buying at over 200K now even make sense?"

"Thus, my ironclad resolve ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠for bachelor's in a year! Trust me fully!"

"25-Year-Old PhD Graduate Cute Girl VTuber Dr. Fermi! This is gonna moon! Buy now!"

Some viewers still didn't believe, eyeing inverses, but I didn't care. As I said, trust your own choices in stocks. If they wanna check Han River temps, fine...

Leaving the clowns behind, I advanced the PPT. And—

The viewers were shocked.

"Ahh... so big, so beautiful..."

But I was in awe.

The grand journey to 25-Year-Old PhD Graduate Cute Girl VTuber... the third step was:

"Ahh...! 'Integrated Master's-PhD'! What a magnificent term!"

I couldn't help but be moved by this beautiful phrase. The mid-tier master's and god-tier PhD merged. Like a giant dino mecha robot, mint choco, harem pure love. Overwhelmingly awesome...!

Just like that. Imagining it makes your 'thirst for knowledge' harden, right?

All viewers recoiled at the term, trying to dissuade me. But this Seol Yuna with the beast heart of steel.

"I'm ready anytime."

Seol Yujin who missed the buy became a bagholder, kicking away his last shot at PhD by 24. I vowed not to repeat that mistake.

All-in buy!!! Go!!!