Pokémon-Style Surrender Tactics and the Art of VTuber Employment Contracts
In the heart of the city... not in an interrogation room, but in a café's private booth. Two people were threatening, pressuring, and breaking down a third.
At a glance, it might look like a brutal case of bullying. But the reality was different.
This was a full-on Pokémon battle in progress!
Go, President!
President! President!
What will President do?
"So... you lied to your parents about getting into Seoul National University..."
"You said you didn't want to get a job, so you'd go to grad school instead..."
"And then you suddenly had to actually go to grad school, so you tried to find a body double?"
"Y-Yes, exactly..."
Han Sewon trembled in fear.
Han Sewon can't escape!
"...Are you seriously okay in the head?"
"Gahhh...!"
The effect was tremendous! Han Sewon's MP (Mental Points) flashed red in an instant.
A level 24 high-school-grad/VTuber type like Han Sewon had no chance against the level 30 college-grad/president type An Huiyeon...
The massive damage sent Han Sewon crumpling.
"Ughhh... Waaahhh...!!!"
Tears soon streamed from her eyes, followed by full-on sobbing.
The sight terrified me.
'Even a level 21 middle-school-grad/VTuber type like Seol Yuna couldn't withstand that Fact Bomb...'
"Hic! Hic! Pueeeeng...!!"
Her mental state shattered to dust, her sobs turning into screams.
"I-I didn't want to do this either!"
Without anyone asking, Han Sewon spilled her family backstory. Her dad with a Harvard bachelor's, mom with a Stanford master's, her brother who started a company after MIT, her little sister who graduated high school early and got into Harvard. And that's not even mentioning the rest of her monster relatives boasting insane credentials.
She'd completely given up on studying in school, reaching a point where no university would take her. She couldn't survive in that insane family of academic freaks.
Here's an excerpt from the dialogue at one of Han Sewon's family gatherings:
Han Sewon was getting hit with all the karma for ditching her studies back in school.
"I-I mean, being the only 'just a high school grad' among those monsters is weird!! I need at least 'Seoul National University' on my record...!"
"Ah... so that's why you falsified your credentials?"
The effect was tremendous! But why was I taking damage too...?
Memories of the past flashed in my mind, making me writhe for a moment. But I calmly spoke up to stop the president. Han Sewon's HP was already at zero. More attacks were pointless.
"Ahem, President? Calm down for a sec... In the end, Meru—er, I mean Sewon—didn't actually do anything wrong, right?"
Of course, not yet. To sum up what Han Sewon was trying to do in one sentence: 'Threaten a pre-debut VTuber into becoming a grad student proxy.'
The world... Turning a fresh, green pre-debut VTuber into a grad student slave?! What a horrific, terrifying idea...
If I weren't the Super-Genius Perfect PhD Holder (Pending), and if I hadn't received a 200,000-won favor from her in the past, Han Sewon would've deserved a flood of pad-lip (tablet doxxing) and hate texts right then and there. Truly heinous.
"Fe-Fermi-nim...!"
At my cautious cover, Han Sewon looked at me with sparkling eyes.
"Haa... Fine, got it."
The president sighed deeply, seeming to concede, which made those sparkling eyes aimed at me even brighter. Just like how the gallery lurkers gaze at me in the grad student forum.
"Then just one question. What's this 'weakness' of yours exactly?"
Oh right. Come to think of it...
The woman in front of me, Han Sewon, had lured me out by threatening to expose my 'weakness.' But... I didn't have anything dox-worthy?
Sure, old Yuna had posted crap on communities, but it was all late-night VTuber simp posts. Stuff like 'Kirene-nim is so pretty...', 'Kirene, she is a goddess...!' Nothing else.
Was that even blackmail material?
Tokiwa Kirene is the world's greatest VTuber, the one true god, who makes the lame walk with a gesture, opens the eyes of the blind, and will save us all from the apocalypse, leading us to paradise. That's just obvious and self-evident.
Using that as leverage is like trying to blackmail someone over 'the sun rises in the east,' 'companies screw over consumers,' or 'the government sees citizens as pigs.' Same level of nonsense.
Han Sewon explained her so-called weakness in detail.
"I-If you don't listen, I'll expose that 'Fermi' is a middle school dropout in the grad student gallery..."
Hmm... Definitely an effective threat, but I doubted it'd convince anyone. Shout "Fermi's a dropout!" in the grad gallery, and you'd get insta-banned as a troll.
"Wait, hold on... How did you even find that out in the first place?"
But the president caught something I missed.
Han Sewon. How the hell did she know?
'Huh? Yeah, how?'
Old Yuna had been ashamed of her education and never breathed a word about it. So how...?
"Uh, th-that's..."
Han Sewon hesitated forever before finally spitting it out.
"I h-hacked the account..."
"..."
"..."
"Y-You should use a longer password..."
"..."
"..."
"A-And add special characters..."
My jaw and the president's dropped at her bombshell.
"...Yuna, handle it."
"Roger~"
I immediately dialed on the president's cue.
Ring ring—
"Kyyyaaaaahhh!!! S-Stop thaaat!!!"
Han Sewon screamed like Satan staring at a cross.
Aaah... This was the ol' police report. A straight shot to the heart for scumbag criminals...
After her desperate pleas, the police report got shelved, and the one trying to grab leverage ended up with her own exposed. VTuber extortionist, doxxer, and family credential-faker Han Sewon promptly surrendered unconditionally.
"Huiyeon-unnie... Yuna-unnie... This little sis Sewon kneels before you..."
The classic: Take my money, my honor! Just spare me!
The president sprang into action.
"Hey, extortionist."
"Y-Yes...!"
"I've got an 'irresistible offer' for you..."
"A-Anything! Just say it!"
"How about you become a VTuber too?"
"...I already am a VTuber?"
"Poor choice of words."
The president pulled a single sheet from her pocket. Its identity? A VTuber Employment Contract. A veritable Poké Ball. Sign it, and you're caught—just like a Master Ball.
Of course, in her current state, she'd sign anything but a grad school application.
"To be frank... you know you've done some seriously shady shit, right?"
"Y-Yes...!"
"You know if Yuna so much as twitches, it's straight to the station?"
"I-I know...!"
"And if this blows up, your parents find out your real credentials?"
"Y-Yes...!"
"Mhm. So sign here, sweetie. One little signature, and everything's perfectly solved~"
"B-But... if I really get caught, I'm done for... S-So..."
"Oh, don't worry about that."
The president suddenly turned to me.
"Yuna here will handle it all nice and clean."
"Me?"
I stared at her, phone still in hand with 112 on the screen. Sure, it sounded like cocky Gen-Z nonsense, but by labor contract terms, I had every right. I was hired by Scalaiive as a VTuber and editor—not as an accomplice to a doxxing extortionist.
"J-Just cover the interview for me...! I'll handle everything after...!"
Han Sewon clung desperately to my reluctance, but
"Why me?;; I've got tons to do;;"
I brushed off her grabby hands with clear annoyance. Already swamped, and now proxy interviews? My daily schedule: devouring latest papers, hunting VTuber kirinuki clips, editing VTuber kirinuki, watching VTuber lives, bingeing VTuber VODs, plus strategic/tactical planning for World War II (). Get the picture? I'm booked.
Watching my defiance, the president said,
"Hmm, not confident?"
Translation: 'Chicken?'
And so, in a dramatically one-sided agreement, the hacker/fake-credential/ex-indie VTuber got her proxy interview!
The middle-school dropout/aspiring VTuber/Likeable Fixed Nick of the grad gallery protected her honor!
The VTuber agency president snagged one mid-tier newbie VTuber!
Net gain for the president: one VTuber.
Pam-ppa-ppa!
Pam-para pam-pam-ppa!
Ppaba!