Academic Annihilation and the Art of Family Deception
Strategies for maintaining trust within the family under conditions of information asymmetry. That day, three people died in that cosplay shop. One was the frail past Seol Yuna. Another was the "outdated no-tits granny" Park Yul. The last was the "tacky fashion otaku landmine girl" Lee Seoyun.
Standing before the corpses of those three was a solitary figure.
"Ahh... is this all you've got?"
SuperGeniusPerfectPhDHolder Seol Yuna.
"I'm so bored I could die."
She was the victor of World War I (Cosplay).
Standing triumphantly atop the carcasses of these two sub-master's beasts, she proved the victory of "science and logic." Behold! You who built unscientific, illogical worldviews...! How could you not know that all untrue things must one day meet their end! Santa Claus is really just your parents buying gifts! Babies aren't brought by storks—they're born from sex between men and women! Of course, since I (including Seol Yujin) had no parents or lovers, I couldn't prove it personally, but that's the established academic consensus anyway!
"Hey... you think we don't know that's you?"
"Urk... circulate qi for meals, circulate qi for stone meals, circulate qi for brunch... Argh! My head...!"
For a moment, I heard the losers' rationalizations, but I easily ignored them and shouted.
"To me, a PhD... is murder..."
"You're just a concept freak too! Did you even go to college to begin with?!"
"Ahh... of course. Watashi... deshita Seoul University..."
"What?!? Liar!"
Not a lie. Seol Yujin actually graduated from Seoul University, after all. Though this Seol Yuna only has middle school, Seol Yuna is Seol Yujin's spiritual heir, and that inheritance includes the knowledge and experience from that institution, so my logic was flawless.
"What! Yuna-gong! You were my classmate?!"
That is, until Park Yul suddenly declared herself a "college classmate."
"Pardon?"
"Pardon?"
Me and Lee Seoyun let out exclamations full of doubt,
and she said, "Even looking like this, I'm a freshman in Seoul University's Quantum Physics Department! They say the world is small, but I never expected to meet a school connection like this!"
"What."
"What."
When Park Yul proudly revealed her freshman status and major, me and Lee Seoyun were too shocked to speak for a moment.
"T-Teacher? Why on earth would you choose that...?"
Regaining some semblance of sanity, I asked Park Yul the seemingly pointless question of why she'd enrolled in Seoul University, of all places, and specifically the Quantum Physics Department.
"I heard that to obtain Korea's martial secrets, one must enter the sect called university. Martial arts through yang qi (quantum). Drawn to that profound doctrine, I shaved my bones in effort and finally joined."
Park Yul crammed my pointless question full of madness in her reply.
"R-Really?"
"If you wish, I can show you my ID."
And Park Yul confidently pulled out her student card. I quickly and meticulously checked for signs of forgery...!
But this thing was identical to the one Seol Yujin had received in the past...! Perfectly identical, except for the "freshman" number and the name "Park Yul"!
"H-How?!"
"Hm? Naturally, I got a perfect score on the college entrance exam. You too, right, Yuna-gong?"
I... I went to college through early admission... Once Park Yul's credentials and shocking claim were verified as true, all eyes turned to me.
The landmine girl said, "Seol Yuna-ssi. Mind showing your student ID?"
"Ahem... It's at home..."
Cold sweat poured like a waterfall from the tension. Should I be grateful my voice wasn't shaking?
"Then, if you'll excuse me, what was your major?"
"It was a double major, but..."
While I averted my eyes to hide my trembling gaze, pondering how to prove this "inherited education" convincingly...
*Slurp*.
"Kyaaak-!"
This crazy landmine girl licked my cheek with her hot, wet tongue!
"This taste... is the taste of a liar...!!!"
I panicked hard...! But not because of the crazy landmine girl's freak act!
"H-How do you know that 'line'!"
That was otakus' exclusive territory...! How did a fashion otaku know it?!?!
"I may not know much else, but I've seen Anonymous Bizarre Manga J!"
Urk---!! Th-This creates a hole in the "fashion otaku" logic! Unlike other animations with unique content and theatrical releases that could be mainstream...
Anonymous Bizarre Manga J was the true otakus' exclusive domain...! Normies wouldn't watch bizarre superpower battle stuff with buff muscle dudes...!
Suddenly on the defensive. Who knew these two concept freaks I looked down on had such daggers hidden...!
"Wh-What matters isn't credentials, it's skill! Don't you know Tanaka Koichi, who won the Nobel for protein mass measurement tech, only had a bachelor's?!"
I tried to shift the debate from "credentials" to "skill," borrowing the Nobel's authority to turn the tide, but...
"So what? (What about your credentials then?)"
The Nobel's authority didn't faze the landmine girl!
"What! A lie, you say?! You empty braggart!"
And even Park Yul, taking my words as lies, joined the "credential forgery scandal" to condemn me!
"Sh-Shut up! Counterarguments only via papers!"
"Aww, high school dropout~ Got called out on your bluff and mad now? lol"
"What a dropout! How dare you try to cover the sky with your palm!"
Once my "credential forgery" sin was exposed, they viciously attacked me as high school dropout, dropout, Anonymous Credential-Forging VTuber A, Anonymous Hip-Hop Singer T, etc.
No, Anonymous Hip-Hop Singer T didn't forge credentials??? Stanford Creative Writing BA, Stanford English MA— you think the great Anonymous Hip-Hop Singer T's dick is small? Plus, I'm not high school dropout, I'm middle school dropout!
...Of course, that wouldn't help much here, so I let it slide.
"Urk... grrr...!!!"
Ahh... Is this SuperGeniusPerfectPhDHolder Seol Yuna destined to fall back to plain Just Middle School Dropout Seol Yuna...!
In this desperate siege. Me, the World War I (Cosplay) victor, now contemplating surrender in this humiliating bind—I squeezed my eyes shut, and that's when Park Yul dropped a bombshell.
"Ahh... what troubled times! One is a remnant of the evil demonic cult! The other is a soulless brute from the unorthodox sects, full of empty pomp! To think these are my fellow Scalaiive 3rd gen! The sect's future is dark!"
"What did you sayyy? You bitch..."
"What did you sayyy? You bitch..."
Seol Yuna, Lee Seoyun... pissed off! Park Yul seemed intimidated by our horribly twisted expressions, but
"Wh-What did I say wrong?!"
Her sudden daddy-abandonment turbo-boost poked our sore spots!
"Y-You pathetic nobody...!!"
"Outdated no-tits granny...!!"
One shock statement from Park Yul formed a two-front war, instantly escalating to Seol Yuna vs. Lee Seoyun vs. Park Yul—a three-way battle.
Scalaiive 3rd gen! Is this really okay?!? I seriously don't know!!
Amid the chaotic swirl of rage and worry!
I steadied my heart and yelled at them.
"Hey... landmine girl, no-tits granny!"
No! I declared!
"Follow me to the PC bang..."
A grand "declaration of war"!
"I'll crush you both with my dazzling skills!"
The start of World War II (Cosplay)!
"Fine, bring it! I'll tear you apart...!"
"Sorry, gramps... I said I wouldn't pick you again...!"
At my declaration of war, the three of us shone with resolute gazes. Not a hint of defeat in those eyes... as if victory was guaranteed!
With the grand declaration, the army marched. Destination: Scalaiive office...!
Battleground: the PC bang...!
Oh, and we got lunch delivered to the PC bang. Chicken was tasty.
===
CheeseIt's indie VTuber Hoshigami Meru. Real name Han Seowon sighed deeply while looking at her chat history with someone.
At a glance, it seemed like a conversation between a studious daughter and her elite-family mom... but Han Seowon was agonizing for a different reason.
"Mom... I'm not top of the class."
That's right! She wasn't Seoul U's top student!
"Actually, not even Quantum Physics..."
Plus, not even the Quantum Physics Department!
"Not even Seoul U..."
Not even Seoul U!!
"Not even a college student..."
And not even a student?!?
"I'm just streaming as a virtual nobody...!!!"
Now even debuting as a VTuber?!?
My god... How did she end up like this...! Can she handle this massive lie?
"Gya/aa/ak!!!"
Of course not. That's why she's agonizing like this...
Han Seowon let out a groan full of despair. After a bout of thrashing, she face-planted into the top-tier mattress in her spacious studio apartment, reminiscing on how things spiraled to this point.
...It started in her childhood. She was born into a very happy family. A very very happy one. Mom was rich, Dad was rich, Grandpa was rich, Grandma was rich. In other words, born with a silver spoon.
A.k.a., chaebol family eldest daughter. That was her.
Realizing this as a kid, Han Seowon thought: Why study? To make money. But I'm already rich...?
...Right? Then why study?
So she played, played, and played some more. Precisely... until the end of 3rd year middle school.
Seeing Han Seowon, who hadn't studied a lick and just goofed off, her mother Lee Soo-jung had many worries. It was the ordinary mom worry of "My daughter's smart but won't study," but unlike other moms, with her overflowing money, time, and connections, she decided to send Han Seowon to boarding school.
For the "rich unemployed hopeful" Han Seowon, this was a massive natural disaster...!
She didn't want to waste her precious 3 years in that notoriously strict hellhole boarding school. So Han Seowon desperately studied... schoolwork? Of course not. Hacking studies!
In a way, it was rational. She knew she couldn't beat the kids who'd studied diligently for nearly 9 years, no matter how hard she crammed. And from her active internet community days, she already knew VPNs, macros, throwaways, anonymous emails, net security, etc., for persuasive arguments (shitfights). By chance, she discovered a vulnerability in the middle school server.
Following this rational choice, Han Seowon used her hard-studied hacking to... infiltrate the middle school server and forge her grades!
...Then restored them to normal.
Raised by wonderful parents with stellar morals, she didn't want to become a criminal. By forging grades only during the brief window when Mom checked them, she escaped the "boarding school" disaster!
But paradise wasn't waiting. In just 3 short months, achieving 3rd in school (1st was too obvious...), her mom was awed by Han Seowon's intellect, her expectations hitting all-time highs daily—and proportional to her growing hacking skills, things reached this state...
"What do I even do..."
She agonized seriously on the mattress. Han Seowon, chaebol silver-spoon eldest daughter; CheeseIt indie VTuber Hoshigami Meru; dark web gray hacker mErU_☆—today too, diligently preparing new lies.
Stay strong, Han Seowon! Stay strong, Hoshigami Meru! Stay strong, mErU_☆!
Oh, and please, just don't commit crimes! Please!