16. Back on the Road

Chirp chirp... chirp chirp...

The morning sun piercing through my snow-covered eyelids and the birdsong served as my alarm. Waking to it, I felt a refreshing clarity I hadn't enjoyed in the past two days.

Man, it's been ages since I felt like this... These last few days, I'd wake up with my gut feeling like a goddamn rock was sitting on it—huh?

The smile from this rare, invigorating morning faded fast. As the source of my discomfort during our stay at the church flooded back, a sticky wetness in my groin sent chills racing across my skin.

And in the next instant—

Flap. No sooner had I confirmed Selene wasn't in the room than I bolted upright, yanking back the blanket. A thick night-bloom scent wafted up, revealing the pathetic state of my pants: the front soaked with pale, crusty stains.

Ah, fuck...

Already off to a frosty start with my dark elf wife on our first night together, and I'd gone and had a massive wet dream. All sorts of worries bubbled up, chilling my spine.

Selene hadn't noticed, right? Or did she spot it and bail outside? No way I'd... done something to her while asleep? God, please, anything but that...

…

"Alright, time to crash. First night watch is yours, Lawrence... But what's that smell? Coming from your side, Eugene?"

"Of course it fucking reeks! It's been five days since we properly washed!"

"True... but this stench is—"

"Shut your useless yap and sleep already!"

Four days of blue balls from dungeon crawling, ending with me soaking the sleeping bag in cum. That was my first wet dream in Rondia, and we'd used that bag for another week. The aftermath of my second one, after nearly six years... hit me twice—no, three times harder.

"G-good morning. Sleep well last night?"

"Sharing a bed with someone was a first, so it was a bit uncomfortable, but I slept fine."

Before breakfast, I spotted Selene strolling in the backyard and approached with a greeting-slash-probe. She replied formally, but her tone and gaze carried a sharp edge.

In that moment, I realized it. She knew about my wet dream. And worse—after I'd passed out with my frustrated cock killing me—she knew I'd done something to her.

…

Without even imagining my husband rubbing his dick on his ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wife's body in his sleep—whoops, got so excited I blew a load!—like some incel roaring in denial, we spent our last morning at the church and packed up to leave. After, of course, generously donating to the nun's outstretched palm...

Meanwhile.

"Kell! Come back soon, okay?"

"Woof woof!"

Kell and the kids, already attached, teared up in farewell. Lucia, who'd been off by herself, timidly approached me. Her now-gray eyes looked up as she offered something clutched in her hand.

I knelt slightly, cupping my palm beneath her fist. A light, ring-shaped object dropped into it, followed by Lucia's soft voice—the first I'd heard from her—whispering in my ear.

"Th-thank you for saving me... And the money you took feels too little compared to the grace I received, so... this."

I'd thought she was out of it, but she knew everything. Suddenly, I felt like—not just wanted to, but had to—sponsor her. Essential to build favor with a girl who might grow into the Gray Saintess someday.

…

No sooner had the hooded dark elves and I exited Arke Village than...

"Regrettable, but I can't stay away longer... We'll part here. If possible, visit the Night Forest with Selene before the year turns. You must greet our parents."

Lumentar ended with that invitation to the Night Forest before year's end, bidding farewell as promised. He turned and headed off first.

Left on the road: me, Selene, and Kell. The air thickened with awkward tension...

Right then, Kell—sensing his master's plight—sprang into action.

"Whine, whiiiine."

Unhesitatingly latching onto Selene's leg, rubbing his body and face against her in full charm mode. Her eyes widened, body trembling slightly.

"Haaah, so cuuute♡"

Classic female meltdown over cuteness. She scooped him up, smooshing her cheek into his soft fur.

Proof that dark elves weren't immune to the universal law: women lose it over adorable things.

Kell, buried in her embrace and getting nuzzled, met my eyes and gave a subtle nod—like, I've got this handled, boss. Relax.

Kell, you little shit... are you a goddamn genius?

…

Thanks to Kell thawing the ice, we lucked into a cheap wagon ride.

"Headed to Iron Valley—same direction? Hop on. One silver for two... ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠no, including the dog."

The old driver's bargain—half price—had us handing over a silver and climbing aboard, the three of us.

Inside the rattling wagon, Selene stroked Kell with a faint smile under her hood. In the rare downtime, I opened my status window.

Whether from clearing the tutorial by saving Lucia or Isirin's blessing, my EXP sat at 97, HP full. Below, stats boosted by blessings.

Unlike before completing Lucia's tutorial, now I could quantify my specs—how strong I really was. After eight years scraping by, building power to survive... it felt weird.

Splat! Thud!

The wagon lurched violently, like a watermelon bursting. I snapped alert, turning to the driver. Beyond his collapsing body—blade tip protruding from his skull—three bandits charged the wagon. Mercenaries on a side gig, precisely.

Basic tactics: encirclement. Shifting to the rear, two more well-armed thugs rushed us.

Sigh, figures... Too good to be true.

Gripping my sword, prioritizing the rear pair—

"I'll handle the front."

Selene rose with a chilling voice, cloak billowing as she leaped forward. Facing three alone? Husbandly worry glued my eyes to her—briefly.

She flowed like water to their front. Then—

Squelch! Splatter!

Daggers in both hands whirled; blood sprayed skyward with each swing. The scene complete in under five seconds.

Huh... I'm the weakling here.

…

Not quite her no-engagement threesome carve-up, but ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I dispatched my two bandits smoother than before. A new system window appeared.

STR... DEX... 1,3,5?

The level-up message spawned two dice: tetrahedron and hexahedron, faces inscribed. My hand unconsciously neared the translucent pair.

Roll roll roll—like tumbling on the ground, they spun. Slowing to a stop, a small window popped up.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

A strategy guide snippet I'd forgotten resurfaced: On level-up, roll dice to randomly boost one stat (except LUK) by 1-6.

Right, this game's stat gains were RNG too...

…

After looting the bandits and burying the driver, I took the reins. Checking the status window again to confirm the dice result.

STR properly up. Focusing back on driving—

"I heard you traveled alone until meeting me and my brother..."

Selene's voice from behind. Time to charm her at last?